{"id":17271,"date":"2016-04-28T10:17:20","date_gmt":"2016-04-28T04:47:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.officechai.com\/?p=17271"},"modified":"2016-04-28T10:17:20","modified_gmt":"2016-04-28T04:47:20","slug":"dear-colleague-please-stop-eating-noisily-an-open-letter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/officechai.com\/office-humour\/dear-colleague-please-stop-eating-noisily-an-open-letter\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Colleague, Please Stop Eating Noisily: An Open Letter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">Dear well meaning colleague,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">As you\u2019d know, there are many kinds of colleagues that make our work lives difficult. Here\u2019s <span style=\"color: #33cccc;\"><a style=\"color: #33cccc;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.officechai.com\/office-humour\/10-colleagues-who-make-office-life-hell\/\" target=\"_blank\">a list<\/a><\/span>\u00a0for reference.\u00a0However, what this list callously misses out on is colleagues who eat too noisily. You, unfortunately, are one such colleague.<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_17243\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-17243\" style=\"width: 711px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-17243\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/eating-noisily.jpg?resize=640%2C452\" alt=\"eating noisily\" width=\"640\" height=\"452\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/eating-noisily.jpg?w=748&amp;ssl=1 748w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/eating-noisily.jpg?resize=300%2C212&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/eating-noisily.jpg?resize=600%2C424&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/eating-noisily.jpg?resize=200%2C140&amp;ssl=1 200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-17243\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><\/span> <span style=\"font-size: 8pt; color: #000000;\">image: <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/metrouk2.files.wordpress.com\/2015\/09\/misophonia-final.jpg?w=748&amp;h=528&amp;crop=1\" target=\"_blank\">theMetroUK2<\/a><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">In your defence, these <em>hazaar<\/em> <span style=\"color: #33cccc;\"><a style=\"color: #33cccc;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.officechai.com\/stories\/food-delivery-food-tech-startups-india\/\" target=\"_blank\">food delivery startups<\/a><\/span> are to blame for making lives easier, people lazier, mouths chewier. When earlier you\u2019d just step out for a quick lunch, now you just log in to one of the startups in the \u2018hood and order yourself a nice, extra crunchy Caesar salad, with crisps on the side, delivered straight to your desk,\u00a0which, to the dismay of those around you, you also savour at your desk.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">And then it starts. The warning bells come with the swish swish of unwrapping the contents of your latest culinary acquisition. Then seconds later, the myriad biting, swirling, chewing, squelching, regurgitating noises follow one after the other. I&#8217;m sure all the food, the snacks, the crisps form a lovely party in your mouth, but spare the others the music!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">I lay low for the first few days you did it. After all, we all have our moments. A burp here, a fart there. Heck, I&#8217;d even take the nonstop iPhone pings your hypersocial life denotes. But what is it about chewing noises in your surroundings that make you want to shut forever the perpetrator&#8217;s mouth with Fewiqwik? \u00a0Especially when the said noises happen in an otherwise meditatively peaceful office where the only other sounds to be heard are the faulty UPS going on and off, and the occasional snoring.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">To be fair to you, I wondered if I\u2019m really blowing things out of proportion. The possibilities I considered.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">I have tinnitus<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400; font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">I have super-normal aural powers that magnify sound<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400; font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">I really hate you<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">But, a lot of internet research (A Twitter search) revealed that I\u2019m not the only one. Not being able to tolerate other people eating noisily is a universal phenomenon. It affects 1 out of 1 people every single day. Here\u2019s exhibit <\/span><span style=\"color: #000000; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 1.5;\">A.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>https:\/\/twitter.com\/theyearofelan\/status\/675659831001395200<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">Elan Gale, here, is my soul sister. As as are these other victims of noisy-eating.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-17246 lazyload\" data-src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisly.png?resize=532%2C532\" alt=\"eating noisily\" width=\"532\" height=\"532\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisly.png?w=532&amp;ssl=1 532w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisly.png?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisly.png?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisly.png?resize=83%2C83&amp;ssl=1 83w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisly.png?resize=120%2C120&amp;ssl=1 120w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 532px) 100vw, 532px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 532px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 532\/532;\" \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">The next few days I even tried to take matters into my own hands. I\u2019d jam on my heavy duty pair of Sennheisers hard and play the most extreme piece of Thrash Metal I could find on YouTube. Other days, I\u2019d simply leave the desk, and go for a no reason walk till you were done with your masticating ritual.<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_17242\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-17242\" style=\"width: 500px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-17242 size-full lazyload\" data-src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.officechai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/chewing-noisily.gif?resize=500%2C269\" alt=\"chewing noisily\" width=\"500\" height=\"269\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 500px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 500\/269;\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-17242\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><\/span> <span style=\"font-size: 8pt; color: #000000;\">source: giphy<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">But then, darling, as you know it\u2019s 40 degrees outside and there\u2019s nowhere for me to hide anymore. The music is now giving me headache. And much as I thought I should bring it up with you, I have been advised against it should you hate me for the rest of your tenure in this office and have a mysterious meeting with my boss. After all, who knows if that one employee got fired because the company was restructuring or just because he dared to bring up a debilitating noisy eating habit of a colleague.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">It\u2019s happening at such alarming regularity and duration that it\u2019s becoming hard to concentrate on all the Facebooking and Buzzfeed-ing in the office with the incessant chewing sounds.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">I mean I\u2019m sure you\u2019re a lovely person otherwise. You come to office at 12, a whole 3 hours after me, and leave at 5pm, a whole 3 hours before me. You regularly check on your husband with the sonorous \u201cbaby, you ate noooo\u201d?, while updating him on your menu in great detail so I\u2019m sure you\u2019re a great wife too. Just that, that those loud, chomping noises like 1 feet away from me, you\u2019re not winning the favourite colleague of the year award from me anytime soon. *withdraws home-made cookies*<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">Next time sweetheart, do us all a favour and every time you wanna get a bite, get a room. Or maybe just maybe consider closing the mouth a little and chewing slowly. \u00a0(And while you&#8217;re at it, cleaning up after yourself and not letting the sugar-soaked tiffin lids or spoons on the desk would be IDEAL!)<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">Hey, if nothing else, some good ol&#8217; soggy\u00a0<em>khichdi<\/em> in the tiffin should fix the noise issues till we have a permanent solution. And whatever you do, do NOT order that extra slurrrrrpy soup or cold drink.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000;\">O<del>m<\/del> No<del>m<\/del> No<del>m<\/del> No<del>m<\/del>!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>An open letter to the colleague who eats noisily in office.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":17243,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,46],"tags":[574],"class_list":["post-17271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-office-humour","category-stories","tag-office-etiquette"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin 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